Find your sweet spot

Aren't I such a terrible blogger. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, a month has passed and we are coming up on two months of sweet Laycie being a part of our family and I have yet to sit down and journal her birth story. I have been so overwhelmed with trying to juggle two kids. Post partum depression/baby blues took the front seat for about a month but I am so happy and relieved to say I have made it over the hump. Writing those words just brought tears to my eyes. It was so unbelievably real and scary with Raelinn that I am grateful I made it out alive. I did though. Victory. That's how I will describe it. 

We were in Vegas this past weekend for our annual family Christmas party and we were at my niece's (Hannah) basketball game. Facebook was brought up and my brother Ty laughed and said how he hated it because to him it's "fake"book. Everybody makes their life out to be so perfect on Facebook, which in turn makes people feel like their lives are not good enough. (How true is that?!) My mom laughed and said "except for Shaunna!" We all laughed because I don't hold back about anything. I'm truthful. Did my dog pee on my Christmas tree and ruin a present. Yep. Did I try and give him away via Facebook. Yep. (Don't worry, nobody bit my bait and Trapper Jones still resides in the Ladner household!) Did I burn chocolate chip cookies to the point of them crunching like chips when they are attempted to be eaten. Yep. This is real. This is my life. I have realized being truthful to myself is what helps me get over that darn hump of depression. I'm not gonna lie, burning the cookies to an un-edible state broke my heart. Which I admitted in my post on Facebook. "Poor sad burnt chocolate chip cookies, wouldn't it suck to be my husband or kid?!" After everybody went to sleep that night I realized something, writing those words down meant that I really felt that way. Was I being silly-yes, but I am an honest person. Those were my feelings. How sad is that?! I had so many people comment on my sad little picture saying "I love burnt cookies!" Which made me think that maybe I wasn't so awful after all. I was sitting on the couch, Laycie was being so fussy, to the point of me crying and texting my mom out of desperation for an answer. I recorded a video and sent it to her in hopes of her having a miraculous answer that would fix my crying baby. (If you haven't met my mom, she's superwoman and knows everything.) Her reply to my frantic message was simple. "If she is fed, burped and changed, it won't hurt her to fuss for 30minutes" I was done. The burnt cookies broke my heart, and the baby was sending my emotions over the edge. I soothed her and told her I loved her, then buckled her in her swing facing the Christmas tree (she loves lights) and I took a nice warm shower and braided my hair. It was much needed "me" time. After my shower, I came out into the living room, to a sleeping baby. The house was so quiet and peaceful. Tj was snoring in the bedroom with Raelinn laying on his arm (her favorite place), the dogs were all sleeping...so, I decided to try one of those burnt cookies! If other people liked them, so might I! In the midst of eating my burnt chocolate chip cookie, I was thinking something. Life is sometimes like that. A little hard...but then you get to that sweet spot and it's worth it! 

My sweet spot is the gospel.  And finally on Laycie's (almost) 6th week of life we made it to church! It. Was. Wonderful. Am I the perfect church member?? No way!!! I forget to pray, I'm terrible at daily scripture study and some Sunday's I complain about getting up and going. But it felt so good to be back and feel the spirit.  

 That morning Raelinn was so excited. "We are taking the baby to church?! Our whole family gets to go to church?!" I answered yes so excited. Raelinn knows the importance of church and I am proud that we are instilling that in her. (Even though she complains about going most Sunday's. It's way funner to stay home in pj's and watch Disney movies, don't ya know?) I had made it through that trying post partum depression which I know comes from Satan himself. I had succeeded. I hadn't let it pull me into the deep dark scary place that it had taken me with Raelinn. I was back. And even though my life is crazy and chaotic and I may burn the cookies once in a while, there really ARE sweet spots to focus on. 

This was the only picture we got that day. I'd like to say I have one of Laycie sleeping peacefully in her Sunday dress in my arms, but I don't. The reality is I was exhausted. We were fifteen minutes late to sacrament and the three hour block was chaotic. But we made it. Our eternal family, trying to keep on, keeping on! :-)